Spectacularly Dazzling I tell you!

There is a feeling that no other environment can give me except for when I am surrounded by family and close friends. And lets be honest close friends are basically family. I never feel self conscious, never boring and I have overwhelming bursts of contentment and happy tidings. Life is great when you feel like you are in company of wonderful, eccentric, lovably beautiful people.

Here is a Recap of tonight's events:
Walk in--- joyous site: Nick, Carter (2 dear friends) and my sisters and bro in law.
Open up the freshly baked cookies -- courtesy of my new cooking class.
You see, my family we love food. We love laughing and talking combined with food and music. Music leads to dancing--awkward, who can dance the funniest spotlight moment-- more laughing.
More people walk in. Meet 2 awesome guys. One from Mozambique who films Lauren dancing like a caterpillar. Beatles are playing in the background whilst the other visitor- Chase- dances for us. Another awkward pause and then we all laugh. True joy.
Next comes more Californians who start waltzing and chacha-ing until we start the "what if & then" game. Laughing, eating Mangoes and reminiscing dominates the scene until finally we are tuckered out and start to have heavy eye lids. No one wants to leave because frankly it's been an amazing time. It has been not only a rekindling friendship and bonding experience but life just feels perfect. Strangers from Mozambique even want to come back for another dance party!? What a perfect Sunday evening. Nothing better than this. Bravo us, we did good tonight.

Spectacularly Dazzling I tell you.

Moon River

"There was once a very lovely, very frightened girl.
She lived alone except for a nameless cat.."

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

What makes us believe in our dreams? What is the driving force that pushes someone to go after a whimsical emotion of thoughts? and when we are done chasing our dreams do we suddenly realize that the life we lead is the dream we secretly had all along? Why are we always pursuing a dream when life is what makes it? What happens when you are at your rainbow's end and you find nothing? Is it actually what the rainbow is made of that is the dream? We have layers and levels of thoughts, emotions and experiences that I believe create the dream. The dream that we never think of till we have seen the world and done what we set out to do.

Agency.

Sunday was absolutely incredible for me. My testimony of the Savior grew minute by minute as all of us college students discussed in Sunday school why we choose the right. Our agency to do anything in this world is a precious gift from God. It is easy for me to forget that situations do not make me react poorly. It is I who decides how to act or react. No one can tell me how I should be, and I cannot blame my behavior on anyone else. We watched this 6 minute clip that brought tears to my eyes. It is beautiful. Please take time to listen to it and ponder the words of Enzio Busche. A special Thanks goes out to my friend Troy Jennings. He showed us the video and gave a very wonderful lesson which touched my heart. Thank you Troy.

twenty one Years old.

This is my happy birthday song to myself:




Hah! It's great. I am now 21 and I love being this age so far. Thanks for all the birthday wishes and the wonderful friends who spent the day with me. I love you all.
"Now that I am 21" I feel that it is time to finally finish what I am wanted to do for a couple years now.
1. Run half marathon ( I actually signed up so its official. No backing out.)
2. Try to work at either a cupcake shop and or design center for the summer
3. Buy a bike
4. Learn how to make Creme Brulee
5. For the 1st time in 12 years GO to Southern California.

Anyway, WHOO! I am 21!!!!

::: Amae :::

There is no English equivalent for this word. But it describes the innate need and desire within each person to depend on and feel connected to other people—especially in relationships of love.

In a sense, amae is the desire to receive love.

At times we all may feel an emotional or spiritual hunger,

a kind of “psychic emptiness”.

Robert Browning calls it “the passionate longing of the heart for fullness.”

The Germans have a saying that accurately explains a part of amae:

“Freiheit in Geborenheit”

“freedom through emotional security.”

.This is beautiful.

It gets rid of our western culture’s traditional disdain for dependent persons. It captures the positive instead of the negative connotation in the word “dependent”.

The good news it that we can come to realize this enough to where our core being can say, “I was made for this.” Longing to belong is instilled in our very nature. The Japanese concept of amae reveals that our intuition to belong, both to others and to God, is something instinctive that is common to all mankind.

Amae influences attitudes toward all personal and group associations. Do we go about our day realizing that amae is working in all aspects of our life?

And if that is true when we encounter romantic love our amae within immediately recognizes a fulfillment that could potentially be filled THEN

True romantic love cannot come into existence unless the desire for amae is already secretly present.

So where does personal identity, individuality, and belonging intertwine? Does having a belonging heart confine us or liberate us? I believe that no true romantic belonging was ever intended to smother or submerge our sense of personal identity. However, to each his own to figure out how to belong to someone else and remain independent enough to grow individually.

To keep progressing and making it through our own personal test is the quest I am seeking to understand and conquer.

Announcement!

I am an Aunt!
Welcome to the world baby Hudson!
We love you so much.
7 lb 14 oz 20 1/2 inches

R () () M s

These are just a few of my favorite rooms that inspire me.

Someday. Sometime.

Somewhere I know there is a field that is pure and authentic. Wind blowing through the tall untrimmed grass, trees tall and erect with branches that lazily grow wherever they please. The leaves appear painted in a luminous green that compliments the azure sky. Somewhere, sometime I stand like Anne from Green Gables dreaming out into the horizon knowing my future had been bright, and humbly confident that what I did with my life was the right thing. The choices I made throughout my life were correct and at times incorrect but all lead me to the right ending. The journey I lead presented me with different paths, but all lead to various experiences that stretched me and created me into a woman of strength, character, and and love. Someday I will know that I found my Gilbert Blythe who is a man that was sculpted into a character of noble kindness. Who lives for me and I live for him.

Someday, Sometime this will be my ending.
"Its not what the world holds for you- it's what you bring to it." - Anne

Life, please be kind and direct me down the path that will lead me to this happily ever after.

The right Kind of person

Dear Boys of BYU,
I have heard from several of you that you are confused on who you should date. I have an answer:
"Now brethren, do not expect perfection in your choice of mate. Do not be so particular that you over look her most important qualities of having a strong testimony, living the principles of the gospel, loving home, wanting to be a mother in zion, and supporting in your priesthood responsibilities. Of couse, she should be attractive to you but do not just date one girl after another for the sole pleasure of dating without seeking the Lord's confirmation in your choice of your eternal companions. And one good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts; do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?" - elder benson

This, gentlemen of BYU is what you should be focusing on. Not non committal make outs, or who is dating the 'hottest' girl.